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This pioneering book explores the impact of ADHD on a couple's sex life and relationship. It explains how a better sex life will benefit your relationship. They will repair the damage to your relationship, no matter how much your man is withdrawing or how bad things feel right now. And these Tools will rebuild. A compelling memoir: Just when Stacy Morrison thought she had it all, her husband of ten years announced that he wanted a divorce. CARB-LOADED TORRENT Analyze the root action can be you call also. Fuenmayor January 28, Simple Calculator, Biromsoft 29, Steve Haugh March 5, George a cheap Casio Sean December 22, John Carmody March spreadsheets for Casio March 24, Leanid March 27, George Spiers April 2, a free game, Anonymous April 2, Sunny Ko April calculator such as the CFX from Charlie Watson in Western Australia. A Cisco IOS.
These questions are about chemistry, one of the many aspects of relationship over which you have little or no control. There is considerable research about romantic chemistry. The short version is that we are romantically and sexually and emotionally attracted to men and women who 43 are somewhat like our fathers and mothers, and enough not like our fathers and mothers.
This involves looks, personality, pheromones invisible particles of smell that figure crucially throughout the entire animal kingdom, voice, and indefinable spiritual qualities. Pheromones match up to what your used to, to what gives you instinctive feelings of home and comfort, with just enough touch of the exotic and unknown. Just knowing this one truth is powerful. Men will keep calling, jump over obstacles to find us and get to us if they want us.
And men usually know what they want right away. What we choose to do about that is the only control we have over our romantic destinies. If we can learn to accept that power, instead of trying to make our men over into some image we have in our heads, everything in our relationships will change. Men have a tremendous capacity to love, commit, nurture, cherish, understand, support, and be there for us.
If they want to. Men, unlike us, tend to do what they want. They tend to do what they know gets them what they want. When they commit to us, what they want is love, respect, sex, intimacy and romance. And they believe in their hearts, groins and spirits that we are the women to give it to them.
We do not have to do anything to make them feel this way. We can make them not want to love us, care for us, and be there for us. So what do men need? They need what women need: love, companionship, all the good stuff you dream of in a relationship. With one difference: Men respond to a woman on a simple and basic level. And then they do something about it. They trust themselves. They trust their instincts. Women, on the other hand, tend to make decisions about men. We check them out, are attracted to things about them other 46 than our response to them and how we feel about ourselves in their presence, and then talk ourselves into and out of relationships.
And this is only healthy men and women. Men and women who are bent on hurting themselves and using a relationship to do a good job of it find each other. A man who goes into a relationship looking for selfpunishment and then changes, and finally realizes he would rather be happy, will still often stay in the relationship, withdrawing rather than leaving, until the woman throws him out and often into the arms of another woman by rejecting him.
A woman who goes into a relationship looking for self-punishment and then changes, and finally realizes she would rather be happy, will often leave, no matter how scary it is and how alone she might be after leaving. Women, on the other hand, make relationship decisions based on many factors other than their deep connection to the man. Then, we either lead them further into the heart of relationship, or keep it in the comfortable holding pattern of the head.
Commit to wanting to be married! Right-for-You really is out there looking for you? Are you willing to commit to being in a relationship? We say we are, but are we really? Really think about it. Is there space in your life for someone else who has legitimate claims on your time and energy? Is there room in your home for a man? Are you a perfectionist who needs everything in its place? Am I really willing to make time and energy for it? Are you more attached to your possessions, ideas, opinions, independence, freedom, and life style than you are to the idea of a relationship with all its messy physicality and messy emotions?
Ask yourself: Am I willing to let someone who is not completely perfect into my heart? Into my emotional life? Write what that would look like to you in your daily life. Do you want to be married? Are you afraid to have big dreams and big expectations for your future? Ask yourself: Am I ready to say flat-out that I want to be married? But we women often consume our romantic energy with planning and thinking and organizing, just to keep from feeling our real desires.
One part of you wants to run, leave, go to Tahiti, find another man. The other part just wants to tear your man apart. This is the part that is so scared of the relationship breaking down, the part that has so little faith in the relationship itself that all you can do is attack, and then cry.
Most of us go back and forth between these two. Making the commitment to the relationship gives you clarity. It allows you to let the bond of the relationship carry you over the tough parts rather than your bond with the man himself. It sees the whole of the 54 relationship and can put things in perspective. Activating the observer will help you break some of the old patterns of your relationships.
Cutting loose the brave warrior in you will help you stand by yourself. It will help you require top-notch treatment and loving from your man and refuse to tolerate sub-par treatment and loving. It will encourage you to open your heart, be vulnerable to love and express yourself authentically. Choosing the partner you have stops the confusion. A woman I once knew well was always one-foot-in and one-foot-out of her relationship.
Just too nice to be believed. After an argument, he was simply frightened of her intensity, and tried to cool things by giving her space. I asked what was it about not committing to the relationship that was so appealing. She said it made her feel more in control. I asked her what being in control looked like. She said it looked like taking care of herself.
I asked her what taking care of herself looked like when things were going badly. I asked. She stood there, shaking, she said, and she told him what it felt like to be her at that moment, and then she noticed that he was transfixed. He was watching her, and listening to her. She noticed, for the first time, that he was paying attention.
And 56 then, instead of yelling back at her, or stomping into another room, he apologized. And she decided that it was good enough for the moment, and she just went into the kitchen to think about it all. And then he left the TV set and came into the kitchen and touched her shoulder. And she was so surprised. Think about it. Exactly the way he is. So, are you going to keep your man, or throw him back?
I still love my man - this much: Then ask -- do you respect him, in any way, even a little? Look for areas you may not have thought about. Is he a good father? Is he a good driver? Does he work hard? Is he a good dancer? Does he show up on time? Write all these things down.
Is there enough about him that you like, respect, maybe even love, that makes him more satisfactory than not? Note: If you are being physically abused, your man is ill. Nothing you like about him makes an abusive man satisfactory in any way. He is unacceptable.
Please go directly to the phone or the Internet and find help in your area. But to truly transform yourself and your relationship, it takes absolute, iron-will, total commitment that will carry you over the scary places real relationship and real intimacy take you. The scariness of intimacy is all part of what creates the passion. If Mr. Unlike a relationship with a not-so-good guy, where the passion can come from feeling off balance and insecure most of the time, the passion in a relationship with a good, 60 steady, loving man comes from the exhilaration of being able to show your soul and be loved for it!
Commit without any expectations. Many years ago, when I was turning around my marriage, I read many books that helped me. More recently, the works of David Deida, especially his Dear Lover, can help you understand these concepts from a male point-of-view. All these books so changed my life that my own work is now completely devoted to helping women actually use these concepts.
To break them down into bite-sized Tools we can easily follow, anytime and on our own. And here, Key 2 starts with Dr. That you either wear the pants in the Relationship, or he does. To help you make a choice, think about what you want in a relationship and what you want your man to be like. If what you want in a partner is more a fun, sensitive, emotional and expressive fellow, you may want to choose to be the boy.
How do you see your ideal partner in your ideal relationship? How do you see yourself in your ideal Relationship? Are you in action, handling things? Or are you surrendering to romance, allowing your man to treasure your feelings, concerning yourself with fun, your environment, taking time for yourself, allowing your man to be in action, handling things? Take some time to write down the fantasy.
When you make this choice, you are making an agreement. In return, you agree to treat him with respect. You agree that he will primarily carry the Masculine, decisionmaking energies in the relationship. Relationship is a team. A Marriage is a team.
But often, this is the first thing that breaks down. A Relationship is a team with 3 members. As a couple, you create a brand new organism, with requirements and needs of its own. Some relationship problems can be solved simply by both of you considering the needs of the relationship. You both agree to give up a large part of the freedom of a single life in order to enter into a marriage or relationship team. You give up complete independence for interdependence. See if you can answer some basic questions about your man.
What does he like for breakfast, for dinner? What does he like you to wear? How does he feel about his job? What upsets him most in life? Which is his favorite tie? What were the names of his childhood pets? What car does he covet? What is his biggest frustration about being married? When is his favorite time for sex? I believe just the opposite. A woman who accepts and loves and respects him, just as he is.
A woman who can share her emotions and body with him. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. We all have. And we also need to talk to our friends about our problems and get help. But chipping away at our partners either in our own heads or out in public undermines our sense of Relationship as a team.
What we have to do is change our notions about men and the labels we give them. We need to begin to turn our energies toward our partners, instead of away. Alright, now what do you like, appreciate, think is cool about men in general?
How does it feel to focus on the second list, what you do like about men? Do you notice a difference in how you feel inside when you focus on this list instead of the first list? Take yourself back to the good list. Whenever you hear yourself criticizing and running down your man to yourself or a friend, Stop.
Absolutely stop, and replace the negative thing you were about to say with something you really do like about him. Right now, you may not care at all about your husband or boyfriend as a person. You may be too angry or disappointed to care. Where men are more comfortable with anger than pain, we tend to be more comfortable with tears than anger. We can barely even acknowledge it.
Suppressing and repressing anger can make us physically sick. We know about much of the anger we feel toward our husbands, our boyfriends, all men. And most of it has nothing at all to do with our husbands, our boyfriends, or all men. But it has everything to do with how willing we are to love and to let love in. You may be surprised at what you come up with. Remember the Relationship Bliss exercise? This next exercise is the beginning of seeing not what you imagine, not what you dream, but what you actually do like about what actually is.
This can be very challenging. He brought his dish into the kitchen. Actions like changing the light bulb, or running the disposal, or putting gas in the car? What can you say to acknowledge these small things that feels genuine to you? When you dare to reveal yourself fully, when you dare to be vulnerable.
What was he doing? How did it feel? What about a time when you felt admiration? What did it feel like? What would it be like if you could feel that for him now? Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers.
You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost. I ask you in advance to please keep an open mind and imagine how this might help you.
Then, the next day, she called out of the blue. Rule 4: Learn to take No for an answer. It will eliminate so many of your conflicts that there will be space for new, better, happier, more authentic communication. How does this work? Remember a recent conflict. If you live with a man, trying to control him might include saying things like Please take the garbage out now. An example of trying to do this might be:: You want to go on vacation to Alaska. This is also about all that stuff that goes on in our heads involving the question Where is this relationship going?
Learn to take No for an answer. It cleans up the communication so you can start over. Your man will smile more. His heart will open. Most of us are at Level 1 all the time. Oh, that happened to me too! Level 2 listening is the complete reverse of Level 1. Their words and the feelings they express are, in that moment, the most important things in the world to you.
In fact, the only things in the world. When you listen to your man, really listen at Level 2, you will change your relationship. To do this, just relax. Just listen. Introduce yourselves, please. Get comfortable. Look at your partner. Look at her face, her eyes. Try to stay focused on her words. Really give yourself over to her completely.
Focus your complete attention over there, on your partner. And what did it feel like to be listened to like that? Could you tell the difference between Level 1 and Level 2? Imagine that you, in the mirror, are going to hang on every word you, in front of the mirror, say. Your mirror image will follow wherever your thoughts go, giving you total attention. Go ahead and talk about your day. Laugh, cry, say whatever comes to mind.
Pay little or no attention to your mirror image. Now, when you finish up, think about how it felt to completely unload your mind and heart while your mirror image did nothing but listen. She did not interject, offer advice, even go uh-huh. If you imagine that you in the mirror were listening intently and compassionately, you may feel as heard, as light and unburdened as you would practicing with a partner. Your job is to observe with attention and compassion the qualities of the face in front of you, and to commune instinctively with the emotions conveyed by the face and the person in front of you.
You are to forget that the image in the mirror is you. It may feel like a mental vacation. A moment to observe and feel without thinking. Without bringing your observations back to yourself. I encourage you to practice, practice, practice. Practice with your boyfriend or your husband, your children, your friends, your relatives, and total strangers. Practice and notice when you go back to Level 1. The more you do it, the more natural it will become to listen at Level 2.
Lewis F eminine energy is the exact opposite of the high octane, going and doing, stress-led life. If Masculine energy is about doing, Feminine energy is about being. So, what would it be like to just be? The fear of hurting, fear of authority, the need for love have put me in the most hopeless situations.
I have suppressed my own desires and wishes and, ever eager to please, have done what I thought was expected of me. They hold us back from going after what 92 we want and from trusting ourselves. Of course you love being a woman. Or do you? Some examples: Wearing beautiful and soft even transparent!
I encourage you to choose to focus on this second list, the things you adore about being a woman. Pick something out of this list, and create a structure for it. If you like dressing up, put your favorite necklace out where you can see it, or wear it to remind yourself what you like about being a woman.
How do you feel when you read through it, imagine it? In the same way you worked through the perfect relationship fantasy, be open to good feelings when you look at this list. Focus on what you uniquely love about being a woman. If you feel great right away, terrific. If it takes a minute to feel happy, feel a smile on your face and your body loosen up, take the time.
Ground yourself in this. For simply being, and acting like, a woman. Be prepared. Be brave. So just ignore it. Discuss this with him. Show him this workbook, and tell him what you want. The fact that you both work, or the reality of who makes the most money, has absolutely nothing to do with the dynamics of what goes on at home.
You feel, and he thinks. It means he takes your feelings into consideration, but he is the accepted leader of the team. That kind of fluidity comes as men and women mature, and as a result of an environment of trust and ease. My goal in this workbook, and in my seminars and personal coaching, is to help you move from an environment of competition and conflict into an environment of respect and cherishing of feelings.
From there, nearly anything can be negotiated. Most of what we think of as feelings are just learned, habitual patterns of covering up our real feelings. Not only do we need to learn to dig up our real feelings, we need to learn to express them in ways our husbands and boyfriends can hear. Shake out your arms and legs. Now stand or sit still. Settle yourself down into yourself. You can keep your eyes open or closed. Imagine the chatter in your head dropping down into your body.
Imagine it dissolving as the energy from all the noise in your head comes down, into your neck, into your heart, into your stomach, into your pelvis. Let it hang around as low as you can tolerate. Breathe into your body as low as you can, and let the breath fill the space of your body more and more. Feel yourself expand to accommodate the energy. Thank your body for expanding. Ask yourself for a feeling.
My chest is in knots. Until we finally try to give voice to the feelings and they come out all haywire. Then they get defensive or back away. We believe this is helpful information for them. We believe we are expressing ourselves, but we are actually either attacking them or telling them what to do. Either way, what your mate or date will most likely do is shut down. If your man is shutting down during discussions, he is becoming flooded with emotion. He is overwhelmed by it. Believe it or not, he is much more sensitive than you are to emotion, and past a certain point, he shuts down.
But men can learn to handle your feelings. Instinctively, they want to cherish your feelings. They are constitutionally able to love it when you express your feelings. They can even handle you crying or screaming. Bottled-up feelings make us sick. I want to encourage you to practice trusting that he can hear you. I promise you that over time, he will. As you learn to express feelings as they come up, there will be less and less anger stored up and less and less venting in the relationship.
Write down what comes to you. You express your feelings, and give him a chance to respond. Sometimes you want your husband or boyfriend to do something for you. Wanting someone else to change is not the same as Wanting for yourself. Wanting is I want affection, I want more rest, I want sex, I want peace of mind, I want to be married, I want kids, I want to feel good.
I use this more than anything in my household. It makes me feel empowered, and yet is completely about me. Anyone at all. Many of us cannot stand any kind of conflict. One small No at a time. It is one of the most attractive qualities any woman can possess. A woman who can say No is a woman a man can trust. The essence of Feminine energy in a relationship is Vulnerability and Authenticity.
Allowing yourself to be seen exactly as who you are. And your Voice will be quieter and your self-esteem will go up. You can see that this is way more profound than wanting your husband or boyfriend to take the garbage out. Are you simply sharing and expressing your feelings, and hoping in good faith that between you something can be worked out? Respecting your partner by not trying to manipulate him into giving you what you want is crucial to setting the relationship right.
It takes a lot of self-control to keep from doing every clever thing you can think of to get your way. And he wants you to be happy. He may instantly try to talk you out of your desire. Timing One of the biggest mistakes women make is picking a bad time to talk. Make an appointment. Then ask him what he thinks. What do you think? What do you think we should do? This is the way all these kinds of interactions should go. You express, and ask what he thinks.
The Finding Feelings exercise will help you with this. Remember that men are easily overloaded. So take it slow. Start easy. Start small. Masculine energy wants results. Feminine energy is not about results. You are about expressing. Forget goal setting. Forget results. Just express. Learn to live with lack of closure. But if you have to, stick to your guns.
It is not your responsibility as the Feminine Energy partner to concern yourself with whether your man is happy when you express your feelings. If your man is not consulting and considering your feelings before making decisions, you must negotiate this!
Imagine how it might play out using these negotiation tools. Write down the conversation. Remember to stick to the Four Rules. Remember to stick to expressing, and to stop if you find yourself talking about him at all. Allow the discussion to play out, and if you find something funny, go ahead and laugh.
There is nothing docile about being a girl. If Masculine energy is about doing, then Feminine energy is about being. It means experiencing our emotions and allowing others into our emotional lives. Just being is magnetizing rather than pursuing, intuiting rather than thinking.
It is often about Not doing. Not trying to please others, Not trying to manage situations, Not performing or pretending. I once saw a totally marvelous woman on a reality TV competition fold during a presentation. She choked. Instead of deeply preparing for her presentation, which was her agreed-on task, she used her energy worrying about what everyone else was doing. When it came time for her to show her heart for the presentation, she was tied up in knots.
To me, going upwards into joy feels like a liberating, flying, floating experience, and going down into anguish feels like literally going down the tubes. It may feel differently to you. To find the real treasure of Ourselves, we have to be willing to follow our feelings down the tubes as well as into the stratosphere. We have to be willing to take a look at what we only think is the ugliest part of ourselves. The process of taking care of yourself and discovering your own power sometimes takes you up, and sometimes down.
This process liberates you, one feeling moment of your life at a time. Even though you may not yet feel safe exposing your deepest emotional self to your man, even a small start will make a huge difference. Men look to women to chart the course. Patricia Allen O verfunctioning is doing too much. How did we find ourselves here? If we choose, and remember, this is a choice, to be the Feminine energy partner in the relationship, and then continually take Masculine energy home with us, we completely deprive our men of the pleasure of being men.
We make it unrewarding for them to act like men, and they become lazy and complacent and vaguely resentful and stop trying to make us happy. They opt out of Masculinity, hand it over to us, and let us do it all. You can see how this leads to chronic conflict. In a huge effort to keep everything in the household, the relationship, and our daily lives running along smoothly, and in an even bigger effort to keep our resentment and anger quiet and hidden, we Overfunction.
This is a huge issue for women. Nurturing is about Doing. Your energy goes out of you and toward or into someone else. When you give, you are acting from a Masculine energy place. Feeling and Being is totally different from Doing. There is nothing wrong with Doing. The kids need to get to school, and the baby needs to be fed.
At our best, we move back and forth fluidly between Masculine Doing energy and Feminine Being energy. At our worst, we become stuck in one or the other. Most of us experience ourselves stuck in Masculine energy. Because we are so accustomed to the idea of nurturing being feminine, we become confused.
We think being loving to our men means nurturing them. We completely miss the joy of loving our men by experiencing them. Experiencing men, like experiencing a sunset, or a walk in the forest, or a work of art, or childbirth, or rain, or sex requires that we let go of the urge to Do: To photograph the sunset, to hike through the forest, to write about the art, to push the baby out, to dodge the rain, to work toward an orgasm.
Our minute-byminute need to keep our profoundest and seemingly darkest feelings hidden blocks all feeling. A running commentary from our minds becomes our normal sense of experience. Baby steps of practicing experiencing feelings will take you further than any amount of trying to force a breakthrough. When directed toward men, our nurturing energies are often perceived as mothering. A novel animated by witty invention and lively personalities.
Convincingly real. They were supposed to stay at the beach a week, but neither of them had the heart for it and they decided to come back early. Macon drove. Sarah sat next to him, leaning her head against the side window. Chips of cloudy sky showed through her tangled brown curls. Macon wore a formal summer suit, his traveling suit—much more logical for traveling than jeans, he always said. Jeans had those stiff, hard seams and those rivets. Sarah wore a strapless terry beach dress.
They might have been returning from two entirely different trips. He was a tall, pale, gray-eyed man, with straight fair hair cut close to his head, and his skin was that thin kind that easily burns. Just past the start of the divided highway, the sky grew almost black and several enormous drops spattered the windshield.
Sarah sat up straight. It was a Thursday morning. They passed a pickup truck, then a van all covered with stickers from a hundred scenic attractions. The drops on the windshield grew closer together. Macon switched his wipers on. Tick-swoosh, they went—a lulling sound; and there was a gentle patter on the roof. Every now and then a gust of wind blew up. Rain flattened the long, pale grass at the sides of the road. It slanted across the boat lots, lumberyards, and discount furniture outlets, which already had a darkened look as if here it might have been raining for some time.
They arrived behind a trailer truck whose rear wheels sent out arcs of spray. Macon swung to the left and passed. There was a moment of watery blindness till the truck had dropped behind. Sarah gripped the dashboard with one hand.
Sarah continued to grip the dashboard. The car drew in around them like a room. Their breaths fogged the windows. Earlier the air conditioner had been running and now some artificial chill remained, quickly turning dank, carrying with it the smell of mildew.
They shot through an underpass. The rain stopped completely for one blank, startling second. Sarah gave a little gasp of relief, but even before it was uttered, the hammering on the roof resumed. She turned and gazed back longingly at the underpass. Macon sped ahead, with his hands relaxed on the wheel. She had to raise her voice; a steady, insistent roaring sound engulfed them. They passed a field where the rain seemed to fall in sheets, layers and layers of rain beating down the cornstalks, flooding the rutted soil.
Great lashings of water flung themselves at the windshield. Macon switched his wiper blades to high. He passed a line of cars that had parked at the side of the road, their windows opaque, their gleaming surfaces bouncing back the rain in shallow explosions. One car was slightly tipped, as if about to fall into the muddy torrent that churned and raced in the gully.
Macon kept a steady speed. Your little routines and rituals, depressing habits, day after day. No comfort at all. They were quiet a moment. A wide lake, it seemed, in the center of the highway crashed against the underside of the car and slammed it to the right. Macon pumped his brakes and drove on. What harm would it do to wait it out?
Macon peered through the windshield, which was streaming so that it seemed marbled. You know I drive according to a system. Macon braked and glanced over at her. The car swerved. He had to face forward again. Macon went on watching the road, but his nose seemed sharper and whiter, as if the skin of his face had been pulled tight. He cleared his throat. For some reason, it was this that made her finally break down. She turned away sharply.
Macon switched his right blinker on. He pulled into a Texaco station, parked beneath the overhang, and cut off the engine. Then he started rubbing his knees with his palms. Sarah huddled in her corner. The only sound was the drumming of rain on the overhang far above them.
AT: Certainly Macon can, but I wouldn't say that accidental tourism is a universal condition. Some people seem to have very meticulous itineraries for their lives. Q: Ethan's tragic death looms over all of the characters in this novel. Why are so many characters angry, at--or at least disapproving of-- Macon for his manner of grieving? AT: Because to someone not very perceptive, Macon's manner of grieving doesn't really look like grief.
Q: Is it simply inertia that prevents Macon from dealing with Edward's misbehavior for so long? Why does he find the process of training Edward to be so difficult and painful? AT: While I was writing this book, I wondered the same thing. I asked myself, Why do I seem to be going on and on about this ridiculous dog, who has nothing to do with the main plot?
Then when Muriel asked Macon, "Do you want a dog who's angry all the time? Of course! That's exactly what he wants! This dog is angry for him!
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